I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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