last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm having to shit out rocks
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
