Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
