I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
