Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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