Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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