1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
