am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
