I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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