Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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