Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
