i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
