just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
