I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
