it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
