I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I wish you could order shots online.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
