Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
