He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
