In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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