Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
