Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
