I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
