How'd it feel making her break her religion?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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