They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
