Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
