I am puke
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
