im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
