worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
