She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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