Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he fucked my hip out of place.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
