I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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