At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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