If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize