I will die if light touches me.
I cockslap morals
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
did i walk over a car last night?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
