so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
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I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
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Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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