Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
