yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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