She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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