super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
