Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
