I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Randomize
