He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
