Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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