So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize