matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
