It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize