I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i was born a porn star she said
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
