don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
