I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
