He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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