I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
