remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
