hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
