hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
