i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
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