if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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