first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
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