it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
