Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
