and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
