where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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