He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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