he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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