the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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