Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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