you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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