My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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