What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
