Can i not drive my cunt home
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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