so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize