Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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