yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
The adults are the big ones right?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
