Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My cat gives me a boner
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I need to calm my uterus...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
