Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
