my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Randomize